The other day, I gave some advice to a friend in need. He was having trouble understanding why his heart got ripped out of his chest by the girl who he was dating for nearly a year. It’s not often that I get a chance to give such advice, especially considering my current relationship status (non-existent), and prior relationships (only 3 actual ‘girlfriends’ – the others never included anything besides talking and hanging out). That’s right – 27 years old, 3 girlfriends. And none of them lasted longer than 6 months.
But I have done my reading, my research. I know what I need to do when the time comes, how to handle a woman in a relationship, how to not become an emotional tampon, and ultimately how to not bore her to the point that she just walks out one day.
The following is the advice that I imparted on him.
A disclaimer: I am saying this as a guy and as a friend, so this will differ from the female perspective that you have already received. Also, I do not want to hurt your feelings in any way, but you may take it that way. Please believe that my comment has your best interest in mind…
… So, here is what I have to say. This may be more your fault than you believe. I hate to say this to you because you are a nice guy. And therein lies the problem. Women, no matter how young or old, want a mystery. A man who is confident, unpredictable, a challenge, and even somewhat cocky. Women don’t want a nice guy. They may say that they do, but it is BS. Women want a good guy (not a nice guy – there is a difference) who is confident of himself and is unpredictable in his actions.
You treated her like a queen. That is a good selling point… at the beginning. But no matter how well you treat them, they will get bored. You have to mix it up. Sure, treat her like a queen one day. But the next day, tell her that you are too busy to see her. In fact, everything should be on your schedule, not hers. And your schedule should NEVER be open ALL of the time, for whenever she wants to see you. If she wants to see you, but you can’t see her that day, it will make her want to see you even more the next day.
You gave her “…roses, poems, whatever…” for no specific reason, which is good on occasion. But soon enough, these actions become predictable. I believe that giving her flowers for no reason is a good thing once in a LONG while (but roses are so overdone – try lillies or tulips. Everyone does roses). But, even if they are “surprise” gifts, you are still giving her gifts and she knows to expect them – you have become predictable, whether they are surprises or not, she expects them to come.
You rubbed her feet, painted her toe nails… you became her bitch. She knew that she could make you do anything and you wouldn’t care. You stopped being a challenge to her and she got bored. Ultimately, this is what it comes down to. If she gets bored, it’s over.
So, [name withheld], this is what you need to remedy. I have no doubt that you are confident. I have no doubt that you are a good person. I have no doubt that all you ever cared about was making her happy. And I have no doubt who is more upset about this breakup. But what I do worry about is your well being, current and future. You need to make some mental changes in how you approach a relationship. You need to be the good guy, not the nice guy. The guy who is charming, caring, and wicked hot. The guy who is confident and unpredictable. They want excitement. They want a mystery man.
My friend has already started taking the steps necessary to get his life back on track, and is dropping the bitch completely from his life. He’s ready to start again. His story has made me want to do more with myself. I am once again a student of the masters. And soon enough, I will put what I have learned into action.
Who’s up for going to Barnes and Noble?
[tags]Dating, Relationships, Don Juan[/tags]